What If?

Dear Internet Diary,

What if you're wrong? What if everything in the bible is true? Aren't you afraid of going to hell?

What a curious question. Not the what if you're wrong part. I'm wrong about a lot of things. That's why I try to keep learning about as much as I can. No, it's the "What if everything in the bible were true?" part.

That would be impossible. That would mean that contradictions actually exist. I'm not talking about the myriad, murder-inducing arguments between Christian sects and denominations. I'm talking about things in the bible that are true and not true at the same time. The bible tells us that we are saved by grace alone. It also tells us were are judged according to our actions. It forbids us to drink and then glorifies wine-drinking-even using wine in a sleight-of-hand demonstration by The Amazing Jesus. In Genesis, it tells us that humans were made before the animals. It also tells us that humans were made AFTER the animals. It tells us it is wrong to commit adultery, and it also says , in Numbers, that they should kill everyone but the virgins they want to "keep for yourselves.". Then there's Hosea, who was supposed to "take thee a wife of whoredoms."

No one contradiction is any less true than another, whether I'm referring to biblical laws or the number of sons Abraham had. Contradictions can't exist.

So, what if they did? Well, if so, then the bible is absolutely, 100% literally true, and absolutely 100% false at the same time. I am talking to you and I am not talking to you. You both exist and do not exist at the same time. Each statement is just as true and just as false as the next. Nihilism would be true--and completely false. Invisible pink unicorns are and are not eating your baby brother who is also your father. And Aunt Fanny. Satan is God, and Buddha is George W Bush.

Sounds like I should do some serious re-consideration about my doubts of the bible's authenticity, shouldn't I?

Or not.

Thanks for listening.