Monday, October 31, 2005

Alleee's Bible Retreat

Maude Flanders, on the Simpsons, went to a Bible Retreat camp to "learn how to be more judgemental." When Ned sprays Rodd and Todd's eyes with soap, Todd says "The burning is love!" When Lisa Simpson becomes a Buddhist, Ned Flanders takes his kids to a fallout shelter, where they may never leave.

Ned is just as hilarious and disgusting as Homer ever can be. And the Simpsons remains popular with just about everyone, including christians, who tend to claim that the Simpsons is a pro-christian show. (For some strange reason.) It stands to reason that a show that has lasted this long has a large christian audience. Probably moderate and liberal christians, who find that this evangelical, ultra-conservative nonsense exhibited by the Flanders--and all of the Flanders out there in the world (the Phelps?) is pure nonsense.

"We're not like that. We are normal christians. We have sense."

Perhaps they have gone to the same retreat that Maude Flanders attended?

When you worship a being that constantly preached Apocalypse, hellfire, and demon possession, how can you betray that being by hating those things he preached? Many "moderate" christians like to claim rightoeousness, that they have "good sense," by proclaiming their non-belief in such thigs as hell and rigid moral no-no's like the ten commandments, and antiquated clothing and dietary laws.

But what does it say about you when you worship a character as a god who preached those very things you claim are antiquated, rigid, and nonsensical, even cruel?

There are a few beliefs one must hold to be considered a christian. I will be very liberal here and suggest that all you have to do is believe in Jesus Christ, the resurrected savior, who sacrificed himself at the crucifixion in order to give mankind salvation from death, and to grant eternal life. Sure, you can get away with being a Christian while denouncing almost all of Jesus' biblical teachings. But you still promote them, and you still hold irrational and immoral values. Especially the one about Jesus taking upon himself all your sins. What a racket.

Perhaps Christians are more clever than I thought. They can get away with worshipping a man while denigrating his teachings--after all, the sins of the christian all belong to their savior. That makes Christianity essentially a doctrine of irresponsibility. That charge is just as easily levied against the "sensible, liberal christian" as it is against the "Flandereses."

And I like the Flandereses.


Alan said...

In many ways I have more respect for a Christian who actually 'believes what they believe' rather than more liberal Christians who don't seem to believe any of the teachings of their holy book or their ‘savior’ but still want the advantages of the label, Christian.

I have a friend, Joe, who doesn't believe any of the doctrines of Christianity, but still insists that he is a Christian. I just don't get it.

BTW, today was a good day to be an atheist. I am sure everyone has read about the Baptist minister who was electrocuted in front of 800 parishioners in his church during a baptismal service. I actually feel sorrow for all of those believers who have to try to justify this man's death in 'God's Great Plan'. It is comforting for me to know that what happened was a terrible accident – with no meaning, no message, no point.

Thomas said...

The reason that so many kind, liberal, non-judgmental people are able to call themselves Christians is that so few of them actually read their Bibles. The Jesus they carelessly imagine to be some sort of precursor to Mahatma Gandhi or Bob Ross turns out to be quite a lunatic personality who spends the greater part of his time outlining the fate of the damned. The price of admittance into heaven is not so much love, charity, or kindness, but rather the cessation of thought. The whole doctrine of Christian thought (this may be Paul's doing) is that human beings are worthless, vicious scum who can't do anything without the help of this great diva and drama-queen, Jesus Christ.

Like all crazy people, Jesus said some reasonable things from time to time. Even that cynical mastermind of raving batshit movie-stars, L. Ron Hubbard, preached some good sense in between the Xenu stuff. If you come across a word you don't know, look it up in a dictionary. Couldn't hurt.

The sad fact is that the fundamentalists of all faiths do less to distort their gospels than the liberal, modernist counterparts. It's a shame, because the liberals merely try muddle through life in a state of cognitive dissonance, while the fundies are the ones blowing up office buildings and abortion clinics. Yet the major religions of Christianity, Islam, and Hinduism are witnessing a massive hemorrhaging of liberals, while fundamentalists take over as the rank-and-file. It's going to leave the conflict between the religious and the secular even more combustive in the coming century

Evil Homer 666 said...

he he, stupid Flandereses...

Aaron Kinney said...

Last night on the Simpsons, Ned Flanders visited Canada to get prescription medicines, and he met a guy (Canadian) who looked just liked him and talked just like him.

In the middle of their conversation, the Flander look alike pulled out a joint and invited Ned to smoke with him and he said "its legal here."

Ned got a stern look and said "They say the devil is attractive. Lets go." and left the guy standing there alone.