Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Groovy Ghoulies, Part 2

I had a weird dream last night...

I had some kind of strange college assignment: we had to put our own bodies back together, piece by piece. The hardest part was connecting the bones.

Unfortunately, halfway during the assignment, I had to move.

I had already stretched out a towel, or sheet, and laid out the bones on the bottom, and the feet and hands. It took me hours. Remember, for some reason, they belonged to me.

My "dad" decided to pack up my body in the move. I found out later and screamed at him that it had taken me hours; why didn't he let me pack? He just ignored me and I watched him unpack my organs, all wrapped up together willy-nilly in plastic bags and towels. I ran around the house, hoping my "mom" would somehow notice my distress. I screamed and screamed as loudly as I possibly could, over and over, until she told me to shut up. I kept on screaming like a murder victim until I woke up.

Now onto the ghosts:

I hate dolls. Some are okay. This will probably sound silly, but they look at me in the most unnerving ways. The porcelain dolls are the worst. I don't know how to describe it, but I know a lot of people who are afraid of dolls. My daughter loves them. (EEK!) I think they are pretty and all, but when I am in a room where there is a doll; alone or otherwise; I get the strangest feeling of being watched. When I look around the room, my gaze will fall on a doll and she will be staring right at me. A trick of the eyes? Who knows. I just know they creep me out. whitewitch

How does a doll "stare" at you?

To paraphrase Marge: "Homer, look at all the stuff inside that robot! See? That's why yours didn't work, and this one does!"
People have had beliefs about fake life-figures since people first made them. What would be the point of making a fertility idol if it didn't do anything? Dolls are sort of fetish objects. Children have been playing with dolls to practice motherhood and fatherhood since prehistory.At the same time, they were religious objects. Not a stretch there to think they might be feared. If you don't know what a brain is, or how the eye works, why not believe that if you paint an eye, the object can now "see?"

It sounds like a case of a believer (White Witch) believing.

"White Witch" thinks she's afraid of dolls? She should read this:

Pediophobia: Fear of Dolls

And I really wanted to be anywhere but next to that doll. I squeezed myself between two tall writers and kept my face on the script. The doll makes me so uncomfortable. I don't want to be anywhere near it. I don't want to see it. I don't want it to exist.

So anyway, I have to walk back and everybody's looking at me and this is the moment when they probably understood that my fear of dolls isn't an attention-getting ploy. It isn't an irrational fear because of a movie (like how everybody my age is scared of clowns because of Poltergeist). I had a three-faced doll. I buried it. And it came back. You guys. It came back.

I'm not sure how to classify such a belief (besides the side-track of the fear of dolls). Is it a pareidolia? How can it be pattern-seeking when the face is already painted? It would only be a ghost-belief if the ghost were an obake, a morphing Japanese ghost. When will it transform into evil? (A three-faced doll doesn't need an Obake!) Are dolls "possessable" by demons, because they look like innocent children? Again, that's the nature of an Obake. Silly trickster-spirit!

I hold absolutely no responsibility what happens after these dolls leave my home.



Please, please understand that!!!

That was a typical announcement from ebay auctions.There are always more haunted dolls there than you could possibly ever want. Especially if they are fake 1980's "anteek" porceline dolls. I blame Jan Svankmyer and Van Trier. Bastards. It's amazing how MTV can spread the evil of indie/foreign artists to the uninitiated.

Al Tyas from the Atlantic Paranormal Society goves us some great tips on buying haunted dolls:

I simply want people to be aware that while there are authentically haunted dolls out there, there are also sellers who have worthless dolls and simply want to make a quick profit. After all, they can't really prove a doll is haunted, or can they? I want to give some pointers when it comes to haunted dolls and their purchase. Like with any words of advice, take what you want and leave the rest. I'm not saying every seller is a scammer. There are people out there who purchase dolls or other haunted objects, but unless we're in a perfect world there will be some out there just looking for a profit..
Damned scammers! What if your doll actually is haunted? He goes on:
Remember, if the doll is authentically haunted it should be treated like a human being. Remember, any of us has the potential to be a ghost because we have no idea what out circumstances will be when we die, and be passed from curious thrill-seeker to thrill-seeker is a horrible way to spend the afterlife. Think about that when you purchase a haunted doll.

Thanks, Al. What a great, uplifting theology. But if the universe wills that the person deserves to be turned into a doll for eternity, who are we to question that? Why not handle the doll like, well, a doll? Did the Universe or God will the doll to be handled tenderly by a "Sensitive," or by a boisterous, oblivious little girl? Then again, I'd think the Universe would have punished the person by forcing them to inhabit a child's security blanket. Or, if it wants the spirit to be put on a shelf and never touched, perhaps they should be inhabiting a comic collector's Action Figure collection. Mint In Box! I guess the Universe has a fetish for the Victorian age. Perhaps Svankmyer is God.



Aaron Kinney said...

If you buy a "haunted doll" and it doesnt do anything spooky o paranormal, can you sue the seller for false advertising?

breakerslion said...

May I be the first to quote the wisdom of Bart Simpson on this subject? "Can't sleep, clown'll eat me. Can't sleep clown'll eat me..."

I think dolls creeping people out is archetypical. It is the resemblance to a corpse.

If someone payed extra for a "haunted" doll, and then payed to have and exorcism performed, would that void the warranty, or warrant the void in their head?

Anonymous said...

Have anyone ever met someone who said a doll talked to her? Reminds of a Jeovah witness who told her daughter brought a smurf doll to the temple. After hearing a few words from the Bible, the blue little criature became alive and yelled angrily "I won't listen to any of this bullshit anymore" and ran away through the ailes.

Looks like the haunted doll was the only sane person in the story.

Anonymous said...

Suppose a dolls talks to you and tells you the next lotto result. What do you do:

1- Ignore it and go look a psichyatrist.
2- Buy a lotto tiket and go look a psichyatrist
3- Talk to her everyday and don't bother whether it is real or not.

The Doll said...

Hey ... that's my family you're dissing!

Doll Cartoons