Saturday, May 20, 2006

The Call is Coming from Inside the House! Get Out Now!

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More proof of insanity bolstered by Christianity, this time from "I Anonymous," a feature of the Stranger Weekly.

To the lost soul who is my new roommate: You think I'm some kind of cool punk chick, but you've got a Christian in your house. Just because someone has tattoos and dyed hair and looks like a pagan doesn't mean she's not a shepherd who has been sent to bring you salvation. Little by little, I will bring you around. I'll start by some subtle conversation starters. It's as innocent as leaving a Bible on the table. I will guide you from your simple curiosity about me (I think you are attracted to me, but I only want a Christian man), to having a profound theological discussion, to questioning the value of your own life without God in it. My walk with the Lord is righteous, even though I may look like I'm just taking a walk on the wild side. The Lord works in mysterious ways.


Good job, girl. Sell Jesus with your body, and your costume/trap. You seem to think you're Our fucking Lady herself. I think you're seriously ill. I wonder what she would think if I tried my best to "look christian" and paint my face up like a tart in order to lure a christian away from his beloved faith? Perhaps it might work, but the difference is that I am not a willing slave to my insanity. I prefer living for myself, thank you very much. How absolutely tragic.


dlkjdfsa said...

It's as innocent as leaving a Bible on the table.

If some one put a bible on the table for me, I would be scared to death. Maybe she could slip it under a copy of "How to mate with angry baboons."

Steve said...

Even though I don't even know the guy she's talking about, I think I can say that she's in for quite an awakening, when her plan fails miserably.

dlkjdfsa said...

Some people will do anything for a little somethin-somethin. Even find invisible "gods" in there undetectable "soul" We are surrounded by voluntary morons. Life is so much easier in make believe jesus land.

breakerslion said...

Let's see, which would I prefer... a bible on my table or a horse's head in my bed....

I guess on balance the Bible, but only because it has a higher BTU value. I don't know why some Christians think the Bible is a magic talisman. I own several, and I have read them. I remain convinced that it is a self-serving, contradictory work of evil-minded fiction. If someone left one on my coffee table as some sort of subtle message, they might return to find that a wooden stake had been driven into it.

diego said...

I have an idea for a bumper sticker:

I think it could be interesting to see those people's reaction to it.

Can you imagine?
Well, yes, it's sex. But for a higher end. And, when you come, you scream "OH, MY GOD! OH MY GOD!", which is like a prayer (sort of).

Anyway, I think it's an improvement.
In the past, they said: "Just say no!".
Now they say: "Just say no to non-christian".

I'd like to make a bet.
How likely it is that this lovely christian girl will spoke blasphemy when she discover that a guy can say almost anything to have sex?

dlkjdfsa said...

I had a great bumper sticker. It said, "God is coming and boy is she pissed" How some supernatural girl can get pissed by an orgasm is beyond me :) I of course I interpreted it in the pagan fashion of, mamma nature getting fucked by humans and there anti-life pollution. Too many Christians looked at me with the "Evil eye" I took the sticker off my minivan. When the H-car comes out I'll be proud again to display "Pr0-Life" bumper stickers.

IAGKITTY said...

I am so glad that there are people just as freaked out by me as that girl's post in The Stranger.

What's sad is that she assumes all Pagans have dyed hair and tattoos... what a fucking moron. That and the title of "I WILL MAKE YOU LOVE JESUS" is just plain creepy...