The Good Old Days

On Saturday, Francois and I will be recording Show # 108: The Good Old Days. In keeping with that theme, I'd like to show you a satirical entry by Sara Hepola, from Sarah Hepola Dot Com.

Prompt #2: Why I wish I lived in the 1800s

Sent in by: Aaron
Answer in the form of: Dumb school report written by 14-year-old boy
Why I Wish I Lived in the 1800s: The Good Life
Boy, I wish I lived in the 1800s. Just think how good life was. First of all, love was easy in the 1800s. It was, like, supereasy. Because you'd live in this town with probably 40 other people in it, and how many of those people are going to be your age. Like five, right? And out of that five, you've got to pick one woman and probably three of them die early or get hacked by Indians and then probably at least one has some awful, 1800-type deformity so that leaves you with just one. One woman, your woman. Secondly, things were cheap in the 1800s. For example, I want to buy the new X-Box. And my mom is like, okayfine, but you need to save the money by mowing the lawn and blahblahblah. Now, do you know how many lawns I would have to mow to buy this thing? I mean, no way! And I have heard that things were way cheaper in the 1950s, so I am betting that an X-Box in the 1800s would be way way cheap. I know the X-Box did not exist in the 1800s, I am not that stupid, but that is not my point. Third of all, am I the only one who thinks that Indian chicks are hot? Like Pocahontas? Forget it. And lastly, I wish I lived in the 1800s because things were simpler then. Life was more pure and there was no, like, hot lesbian pay-per-view porno channels to confuse the minds of children so that they go into a classroom and kill people. People didn't kill people in the 1800s, probably because of what I was saying about life being simpler then. I hope you learned a little about why I wish I lived in the 1800s I know I did.