Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Jesus: Slack or Not Slack?


Many Subgeni have been heard to say that they think Jesus was "cool" or "revolutionary" or "slack." Even Stang has been quoted to say he is "fine with Jesus. It's his fan club I have a problem with." Perfectly sound thing to say.

But WAS Jesus slack? DID He fuck with the status quo?

Help me out here. First of all, most of you know what I have said about Jesus in the past. So I'm going to quantify Jesus. Let's see what I can get here.


He fucked with his followers
He did His Own Thing
He ranted
He was a Crackpot
He claimed to be a Rabbi
He quit His Job and wandered around gathering followers
He told everyone they'd go to Hell if they didn't love him
He couch-surfed His way through Judea and the Middle-East/mediterranean


He never existed.
He said that he came to uphold the old law (the Status Quo)

So, the list makes him look like a Giant Slack-master. But I have to say, his two entries in "Not Slack" weigh pretty heavily. But as it has been said, the only thing that Subbenii have in common is that they are all different. If you want to be "like Jesus," you can be "like Jesus" just like you can be "like Gandalf."

All I have to say is, the fictional character Jesus DID fuck the status quo, in spite of what "he said," as it were. The status quo has changed a bit since then, since, well, He "was" a Jew, and was upholding the "status quo" of the old laws, which were Jewish, for a small group of people, the Jews. According to the story. Which gets confusing, since in the story, the Israelites were huge in number and status, when history tells us this is not the case.

Which means we have to suspend disbelief and pretend that Jesus was telling Jews to stop progressing, and getting with some kind of Hellenistic program, and get back to the old time religion, which was this big Pagan Godfest, in reality, but since the story has changed, we are led to believe Old Time Religion was monotheism, which is bollocks.

Other Subgeni would say to me, "Doctor Alleee, this doesn't matter." Fie! Fie on you I say! Reality or nonsense, pick two and stick with it, but don't slip from one to the other just as it suits your argument.

The Conspiracy says that out of three or four realities about history, religion, and Jesus, we must pick the one that sells the best. This might also be Bob's choice as well. So I say, if Subgeni wish to use this Christ to lull the Normals into that complacency they know so well, do it. I shall be happy to be the Anti-Christ, the Christ-hater that will distract them away from your good activities. I shall be your sacrificial goat. Why a goat? Well. you know.

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