Sunday, May 15, 2005

Do these Spams ever save anyone?


Dear Internet Diary,

I just got another email from someone wanting to save me. That was so nice of her. This person..Joanne? really must love me.

Of course, the first thing she says in her email is that I'm an idiot for being an atheist.
First, there is no such thing as an intelligent atheist. Anyone who states there is no God does so in ignorance.

She goes on to talk about how atheists say there is no God, but that it's impossible to prove there isn't , because I'm not omniscient, blah blah blah, and I haven't been everywhere in the universe and beyond, blah blah, limited material world and so on and so forth.

Thanks for the nihilism!. If you can't know there isn't a God because you haven't been everywhere and you haven't seen everything, then you have no way of knowing that any law of the universe is really true either. You can't know anything. Interesting. Since your logic is contingent upon God, as he is supposedly the creator of the universe, which includes all of its laws, then all knowledge, all logic is contingent upon him. He could change his mind. He could decide that we should breathe hydrogen tomorrow. He could decide that the laws of nature don't apply in a small town in Oregon. Which is what many people claim about the Oregon vortex, weirdly enough.

The problem here is that she is claiming the god of the bible, which actually is just as meaningless as any god anyone can partly make up. There is no coherent definition of God, therefore the word God is meaningless, and she might as well have written me an email that said,
Such a person may say, "Prove to me there is a Skiplix!" A person who believes may say, "Prove to me there is no Skiplix!" Whatever the case, it is clear the askiplixist cannot really know there is no Skiplix.

Which is another way of saying, "my claims are unfalsifiable, therefore you have to believe in them." The argument is old. It is tired. Look! We're equals! She is saying. We both have beliefs, therefore we are in the same boat. If you want to be smart, she says later, you can be an agnostic.

So obviously she has no idea what an agnostic is, and she sees no difference between the terms "knowledge" and "belief." (Gnostos means knowledge.) As a christian, of course, the two words might as well be the same thing. If there can be no knowledge about something, like her beloved holy Skiplix, then why withold your disbelief in it? That's the problem--that's not what an agnostic is. You either believe in Skiplix or you don't.

The email goes on to chide me for being concerned with my life, as those things are material and therefore, I quote, "vain pursuits." Of course they are. I would be much more enriched in my life if I spent all of my time thinking about death, as the email goes on to explain, rather than my values and virtues. Nothing I could possibly care about is of any importance, you see, because I can perceive it with one or more of my 5 senses. That, by the way, includes love, Missy. Or don't you believe in love? UNIMPORTANT! UNECESSARY! Screams the christian.

No, my time is much better spent worrying about burning in the lake of fire. The most idiotic and competely inhumanely cruel of all christian beliefs. If I thought about hell, then I would stop being a stupid atheist and stop thinking about my stupid, unecessary life. After all, since I've heard the rumours of an afterlife, I should just believe for the sake of safety. Because Joanne's God, apparently, is STUPID, and can't tell the difference between a perosn who truly believes and one who pretends to believe JUST IN CASE. What an intelligent position.

Then Joanne gives me all kinds of bible verses I've read before. Then she accuses me of deciding to become an atheist without thinking about it, and without reading her favorite bible verses. Well gee! I guess those 15 years of my life I spent trying my very best to be a chritsian, and those other 10 years afterwards I spent researching and what they like to call soul-searching never happened. No, I just, on a whim, decided that I would be an atheist, even though everyone around me believed in Jesus, or Ramtha or Mother earth. My whole upbringing had nothing to do with it, I suppose. I guess being raised to value independence, rationality, and curiosity was the cause of me just jumping into atheism without any thought whatsoever.

So, thanks, Joanne. I hope your email reaches all sorts of atheists. It won't save anyone, as you already know, considering you sent your email with a fake address. That's not your problem, Joanne. You did it to get a god star from Jesus up in heaven. 10,000 more spams, Joanne, and you get a corner window. I'll bet she's really fun at work, don't you think?

Thanks for listenign, diary.

7 comments:

breakerslion said...

Boy, thank Skiplix I haven't got spammed with that one yet! The Nigerians trying to give me money are bad enough! You wouldn't believe how many rich embezzlers there are in Nigeria trying to cut me in on the action.

As for the, "Go ahead, try to prove a negative" defense, Let those that state it try this on:

With all the diverse religions in the world, it is impossible for all of them to be right, but it is possible for all of them to be wrong.

Since most religions ask their followers to believe unverifiable or allegorical events, it is not only possible, but extremely probable that they are wrong.

If your god existed AND wanted me to worship it, then it could tell me so itself. What convenient excuse for your god's silence makes this your job?

kalanchoe542 said...

I think she sent it to you because if she saves just one more soul, she gets the BIGprize from category #1, like a coffee maker or something.......

Hellbound Alleee said...

I agree, only she didn't care if she saved my soul. If she had, she would have included her email address. She just wants to ahve the appearance of trying to save souls.

She is no better than the Guymen of Nigeria. Those Mugus promise you a lot, but in the end you get mugu-ed. Same with the Joanne's of the world. They shoudl get together.

BTW, here is what to answer if a Lad from Lagos tries to scam you:

Chineke kpokwa gi oku....
Ekwensu rasikwa gi anya....
otile...aturu ka ibu idiot...

AJI OTU NNE GI!!!!
Nkita tabiekwa gi amu!!!
Ama nna gi chiekwa!!!
Agwo tupiakwa gi amu!!!
Amadioha kpokwa gi oku!!!!
Amu jie gi!!!!
O GI KA M GA EJI EME YA!!!!
AJI OTU NNE GI!!!! oooooooooooooooooo

mugu ooooooooo

It's in "igbo," so they willl understand you loud and clear. and it's not nice.

kalanchoe542 said...

Hmmm....Thanks for the suggestion, but I learned a lesson long ago, that I should never ever say something to someone in a foreign language that I don't understand. I think Tim R. will forever smile when he hears the prhase "voulez vous coucher avec moi". Patti LaBelle notwithstanding, I was mortified when I found out what it means (shy teenagers tend to be like that). ;-}

Aaron Kinney said...

Another sweet post, Alleee.

Obviously, this bitch that emailed you doesnt know the definition of intelligent. She broke like 100 intellectual/logical rules in that "no intellgient atheist" statement of hers. And obviously, she never heard of this webpage:

Godless Science.

Thats okay anyway. I guess shes going for the "spam as many atheists as possible" Jesus prize. She wants to get served 72 angelic manly men in heaven and the only way to do that is to spam as many atheists as possible, and to leave fake email addresses to prevent any real religious dialogue between you two. She doesnt have to save souls, just spam em!

Hellbound Alleee said...

You don`t have to worry about that. You`re talking to a MUGU. The first line, btw, means `may god set you on fire.`There are some other lines about "your father is a goat," and

May a snake bite your prick, theif. Your father is performing oral sex upon himself, you mugu, kill yourself. I invoke the following voodoo jujus: Buruku, Oloshe, Oloribu, and Iyalayaeh. Your mother is a prostitute and your father is a theif, you fool. May your mother die. May your mother's vagina burst and kill everyone in your family. "

So, I wouldn't worry about offending anyone.

The Un-Apologetic Atheist said...

Sarge: Didn't I just tell you to stop making things up? So unless anybody else has any more mythical creatures to suggest as a name for the new vehicle, we're gonna stick with 'the Warthog'. How about it Grif?

Grif: No sir, no more suggestions.

Sarge: Are you sure? How 'bout Bigfoot?

Grif: That's okay.

Sarge: Unicorn?

Grif: No really, I'm... I'm cool.

Sarge: Sasquatch?

Simmons: Leprechaun?

Grif: Hey, he doesn't need any help man...

Sarge: Phoenix!

Grif: Huh... Christ.

Sarge: Hey Simmons, what's the name of that Mexican lizard, eats all the goats?

Simmons: Uh, that would be the Chupacabra, sir!

Sarge: Hey Grif! Chupa-thingie, how 'bout that? I like it! Got a ring to it...

- Red vs Blue episode 2