Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Murder in the Name of Agnosticism

Dear Internet Diary,

There's always an argument going on about this. You just can't make a good argument against Christianity anymore, that mentions past atrocities. You can't, for instance, bring up the books of Exodus, Deutoronomy, Joshua, or Job. You can't talk about how God killed every living thing because they were having sex wrong, gambling, and wearing jewelry. You can't point out how Jesus says that burning forever in hell is just deserts for those that don't believe in him. You can't ever mention the crusades, the Inquisition, or the Salem Witch trials. This just doesn't have any relevence you see, because

The soviets were Godless Atheists!

Apparently, Chairman Mao and Josef Stalin opened the Big Holy Book of Atheism and found the verse where it says to kill Christians and arrest people for praying. This is a big secret that I promised never to tell: Until Now.

You see, all us Atheists have this little doctrine in The Big Holy Book of Atheism that tells us that, since there is no afterlife and no objective source of judgement (besides the Big Holy Book of Atheism), we can do whatever we want. And, being atheists, what we want most of all is to push people around so we can feel superior and smarter than everyone else. Stalin and Mao both knew this Big Book by heart. They also knew that if they killed Christians, that would impress everyone so much that they would want to be a part of Communism, which has nothing to do with a Totalitarian State that owns everything, but everything to do with Atheism, which is another word for Total Social Darwinism.

All soviet and Chinese soldiers that forced citizens to work on farms and camps had one thing on their minds: Atheism. The fact that there is no god twisted their minds so much that everything they did was for Atheism. You see, they really did believe in God, but their leaders brainwashed them to Hate God. It made them so mad in their hearts that someone else would be happy and blissful in their love for God, that they were driven to commit such acts.

So, now you know. And now you know that there are only two kinds of people: those who murder in the name of hate, and those who want terribly to murder others, but don't because God will torture them in hell.....

...and then a third subgroup who murder others, but then repent and go to heaven anyway.

But we don't like to talk about that.

Thanks for listening, diary.

1 comment:

breakerslion said...

Funny, I’ve read “The Gulag Archipelago”, had Russian History in College, and grew up during the Cold War. I’ve seen “Dr. Zhivago”, and sat through every damned reprise of “Somewhere my Love.” I’ve even seen an old chestnut of a movie where Yul Brunner was a Cossack. Nowhere did they mention the Big Holy Book of Atheism. THE LIBERAL MEDIA AND THE MONKEY-DESCENDED INTELLEGENTSIA HAVE LIED TO ME AGAIN! Where can I get a copy?

Now, what I was told is that The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics was a totalitarian state. That’s a hard word for you backwoods Christians, so let me help you. Toe – like you got on your foot. Tal – like you say on bath night, “Honey, bring me a tal?” It – it. Arian – Like that White Supremacist neighbor you admire so much.

What totalitarian means is, not sharing power with anyone. What better way to make your point that you aren’t sharing, than to jail everyone you even think might get in your way. This includes the priesthood, whose trumped-up charges, I am sure, included being social parasites and thieves (“It will take a lot of praying to get your dead son into Grace, Mrs. Ivanskia. It is customary to pay us for this.”). While I am sure that people were jailed for practicing an illegal religion, I am equally sure that people were jailed for not planting turnips when they were told to, and everything else under the sun. How exactly does Atheism account for this behavior? Then, of course, there is the thorny problem of Hitler. Stalin is a good example of Atheism, but Hitler is a bad example of a head of a Christian state. I’m guessing because Hitler is atypical, while all of us atheists wish we were Stalin. ;-)