Thursday, August 25, 2005

Jesus the Omen II

Dear Internet Diary,

Have you noticed how many movies and tv shows with demonic/Christian themes that are being previewed on tv lately? "It doesn't matter if you believe in demons--they believe in you" or some such crap.

I'm feeling a little conflicted. The best path for this is just to say "this is all stinky-pants crap" and stop worrying.

When I was a kid in the seventies, there were no movies that didn't have someone anally violating a heathen of some kind with a crucifix dipped in battery acid--I mean, "holy water." All movies of the seventies involved infant offspring of Satan. All movies of the seventies with the exception of Fiddler on the Roof were Christian-Demon movies--and even Fiddler on the Roof had Jewish demons. Demon-Haunted Hollywood--and Demon-Haunted Calvary Bible Church ruined my childhood, damnit, and I want it back!

I don't hate Steven King. I think he's pretty talented, actually. If he read this, he would know more about it than I do--that Christianity is the source and basis for the richest vein of horror--pretty much the only source of horror--for the American market. All classic horror? Christian--or, at least, "christendom." But Stephen King does something in his books that you just can't do in movies: he makes it very clear that no matter how much he talks about God and crucifixes and such, everything he writes is pure popcorn fantasy. I'm willing to bet that most writers of horror would agree with that. Stephen King is a very outspoken fighter for the right of free speech and expression. (As should all writers.) For that reason I shouldn't balk at his presentations...

...but I can't help it. I believed that stuff. Maybe that's his whole Stephen Kingy-thing. Kids believing that stuff is real. But it's not that kids can't separate fantasy from reality. It's that The Church does. All christian churches should send everything in their collection baskets to the writers and producers of horror movies. What's the difference between movies where people fight satan through faith in Jesus? The only problem is they have to put a little muscle into it, too.

You ever notice who is still getting killed by the demons in these movies? Sinners. First to go are People who Have Sex. Bad! I don't know if they are still killing off That Black Guy. It's like I'm back in that red chapel with the pews and the crosses and that spitfire preacher! The next to go is someone whose faith is weak, a fallen minister or someone. Perfect. almost Jack Chickian. Finally, it's a fighting priest or a strong figure, if it's a more thoughtful movie. A faithful one martyred. It's okay, because he was surely rocketed to the right side of etc etc.

Why go to church at all? Anyway, why is all of this coming back to haunt me? Am I forced to revisit it to kill off the demons in my mind? I already did. These movies can't scare me anymore. I think they want to, deeply. Either it's a conspiracy by christians, or Stephen King is right--he's just doing a good job. So conflicted.

You know what does scare me? It's those damned Japanese copies, like The Ring. Devil and Demons are nothing. Little corpse girls with hair in their faces--TERROR.


Aaron Kinney said...

My favorite horror movie of this decade is:


breakerslion said...

That's not a horror movie... it's porno. I feel the need to quickly add that it's not to my taste.