Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Little Satan

I had a dream last night that Satan was a tiny little figurine-sized devil. Cute, too. I had to kill him. Damned thing kept biting me, too. I finally decided to kill him by tying a string around its neck and the other end around my finger, and drowning him in a pan of soapy water. In the pan was a bunch of Hummel figurines of little choir boys. I thought they were just figurines, not alive. But somehow they were, and not subject to death by drowning. The devil was pulling stunts, taking his string and wrapping it around the heads of the choirboys.

But I knew I had to kill him. I would dip him in the water, but just before he drowned, I'd pull him up, and he would spit and cough. He laughed and sneered at me the whole time, daring me to kill him. Finally I put him down in the water, and left. I forgot him, and there was the string, sticking up out of the water, and not moving. I thought I had finally done it. Then I thought:

"The Christians can't be happy about this, though I know they will be. Because if I killed Satan, then their prophesies are all false! There won't be anyone for Jesus to fight in the Apocalypse."


Then I woke up.

DID I kill Satan?

6 comments:

breakerslion said...

Did one of your Hummels look like this?

http://religion-cults.com/childjesus/colombia.htm

If so, then maybe the apocalypse has already happened, and we can all just get on with our lives and forget about it. If any of the Christians are disappointed that the fate of the whole Universe was decided in a pan of soapy water, just point out that gawd works in mysterious ways. Yup. Um hm!

The more I think about it, the more I'm sure that it happened in just that way. I think that you have had a divine revelation of the detergent variety, and since yours is most recent, it takes precedence over the Revelation of St. John the Nutjob. Anyone who says otherwise is a blasphemer and a heretic! Hey, know any card tricks? Two more "miracles" and we can get you nominated for sainthood. Just think it over... no pressure..."Saint Hellbound Alleee"... has a nice ring to it....

Hellbound Alleee said...

My hummel looked something like this.

Hellbound Alleee said...

http://cache.tias.com/stores/omt/pictures/mp108b.jpg

breakerslion said...

Hmmm. Is that a candle he's holding, or is that a rare "fertility Hummel?"

I guess that won't qualify as armageddon, but it is disturbing.

Rev. Barking Nonsequitor said...

Yes, I agree - it looks lika giant porceline PENIS! (uh-oh - I wrote the word PENIS - I'm so bad. I'll just mention this in the confessional next week) penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis (forgive me jesus) penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, (glory be to god), penis, penis, penis.....

Delta said...

Oh those christians are going to be upset if you destroyed the source of evil! They'll have to take responsibility for their own problems then. I personally never thought that satan would buttrape an altar boy myself I must say.