Friday, March 24, 2006

The War on Easter

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Dear Internet Diary,

St. Paul City Office Boots Easter Bunny

A small Easter display was removed from the City Hall lobby on Wednesday out of concern that it would offend non-Christians.

The display _ a cloth Easter bunny, pastel-colored eggs and a sign with the words "Happy Easter" _ was put up by a City Council secretary. They were not purchased with city money.

Get out your bibles and turn to the Book of Peter......Cottontail.

And the Rabbit, which cheweth the cud, didst lay down its Egg-of-Many-Colours, when The Lord came upon him. Immediately the Lord did find another opportunity to make unto man an object lesson:
And the brightest and stripiest of eggs are those that are the hardest to find. For Lo! Thereupon the Blessed Holy Forsythia Bush that shineth with the glorious Yellow, for there, there LOOK! For there lyest the crystaline MArshmallow Peep, tempting all with its sugary goodness. Take not the Peep, but takest it to the People. And all who take not the Peep to the people will burn as the branches of the bare bush.

Let us pray,

Easter Bunny, please leave me some chocolate, or at least a non-toxic facimile created in a factory off the New Jersey turnpike, several beautiful eggs that I will dye myself sitting at the kitchen table with my Paas egg dyes, excluding the one egg that I experiemented on by dipping it in all 6 colours and it turned out brown--give that to my sister, O Jack of the Rabbit, O Oskar Hase. Leave me some Peeps, a new ridiculous easter hat, and most of all, giant white scary Harvey rabbit, leave me a stuffed bunny made in your image. One more thing: I'll pass on the baby chick, because I don't want my little sister to have to go through the same Bad Boy Bubby incident we went through last year. Amen.

Praise his soft and fluffy name.

Thanks for listening.

(story via J-Walk Blog)


breakerslion said...

As we all know, the symbols of Easter came from an older tradition: St. Brach's Day! That's right, St. Brach, the patron Saint of Dentists!

Of course, Brach was the ancient god of toothaches and dyspepsia in the pantheon of the Arse gods of Nosegard before he was a Saint.

Russ said...

They should take it down for fear of offending Christians. Jesus.