Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Jesus was Strung Up Fer Horse Russlin'

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In an older entry, The Assertive Atheist tells us of a passage in Luke where Jesus sent his gang to steal someone's horse:

19:29 And it came to pass, when he was come nigh to Bethphage and Bethany, at the mount called the mount of Olives, he sent two of his disciples,
19:30 Saying, Go ye into the village over against you; in the which at your entering ye shall find a colt tied, whereon yet never man sat: loose him, and bring him hither.
19:31 And if any man ask you, Why do ye loose him? thus shall ye say unto him, Because the Lord hath need of him.
19:32 And they that were sent went their way, and found even as he had said unto them.
19:33 And as they were loosing the colt, the owners thereof said unto them, Why loose ye the colt?
19:34 And they said, The Lord hath need of him.
19:35 And they brought him to Jesus: and they cast their garments upon the colt, and they set Jesus thereon.
19:36 And as he went, they spread their clothes in the way.

Back in them thar days, a thief (common criminal) was hanged fer bein' a hoss stealin' varmint. So, if Jesus had existed, he would have paid a common penalty for a capital offense. Horrific, yes, but not only did he break the law, he broke the eighth commandment. Sinless, indeed. And he had to share his hill with dirty "thieves." Pity.


dlkjdfsa said...

This explains a great deal about George Bush.

Brucker said...

Many people believe this was not a case of horse theivery, but a case of horse rental. Note that Jesus knows where this horse will be, and he tells His disciples to say a specific thing in order to procure the horse. It is very likely that this was a setup. note that we have no mention that the owners of the horse tried to stop the disciples once they said, "The Lord hath need of him."

Compare this passage to a similar odd exchange a few days later, in chapter 22.

22:7 Then came the day of unleavened bread, when the passover must be killed.
22:8 And he sent Peter and John, saying, Go and prepare us the passover, that we may eat.
22:9 And they said unto him, Where wilt thou that we prepare?
22:10 And he said unto them, Behold, when ye are entered into the city, there shall a man meet you, bearing a pitcher of water; follow him into the house where he entereth in.
22:11 And ye shall say unto the goodman of the house, The Master saith unto thee, Where is the guestchamber, where I shall eat the passover with my disciples?
22:12 And he shall shew you a large upper room furnished: there make ready.
22:13 And they went, and found as he had said unto them: and they made ready the passover.

Once again, this appears to be a rental for the evening, and suggests that Jesus had already made many arrangements for that week ahead of time, along with (in my opinion) the aforementioned horse.

Brucker said...

Oh, something else I forgot to mention. In that culture, fetching water was generally women's work (see Gen. 24:11, Ex. 2:16, and John 4:7) so finding a man with a water pitcher outdoors would be unusual, suggesting this guy they were to find was signaling that he was waiting to be found by them.

Hellbound Alleee said...

Well, fine. You might as well go ahead and add stuff to scripture to make it sound better. That's what most people do. It doesn't matter if it doesn't actaully say it. What if I just go ahead and assume that the disciples stabbed and killed the owners of the horse before they could refuse? Would that be any different?

Hellbound Alleee said...

Of course, if Jesus made the arrangements, he couldn't possibly have been expected to go and get the damned rental horse himself. While he stood a safe distance away. Rental. What, he had bad credit?

Brucker said...

The thing is, you can assume that Jesus' disciples stole the horse, or you can assume that the people who owned the horse wanted Jesus to have it. Either is an assumption.

I feel chapter 22 indicates that Jesus had made some prearrangements before coming to Jerusalem personally, and it's not unreasonable to guess that this horse was part of those plans.

Why did Jesus know there was a horse there without seeing it in person? Either he has supernatural powers, or he's arranged for the horse to be there. The latter seems to me to be the simpler explanation.

NightOps said...

Read the whole verse. It said to find the colt that had never been ridden nor owned. The colt was not owned, and it had never been ridden. How can you steal something that is not owned? Think before you post...especially if you are purporting to be half-way intelligent. The Assertive Atheist obviously has a reading level of a preschooler.

Hellbound Alleee said...

Hey, NightOps, you doofus. Think before you post. Read the whole verse, she said, in a high, babylike voice. It says:

"And as they were loosing the colt, the owners thereof said unto them, Why loose ye the colt?"

Horse was never owned, eh?

I think it's really funny how you make excuses for your imaginary cult leader. Keep on makin' the excuses, I'll keep on saying one word: "Hell."