Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Jesus: That Asshole Can NOT Save the Church From Itself!

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Jesus was a jackass.

Today, christians as well as atheists continue to hang the sins of the religion on the cross, in hopes that these literally mythological teachings of Jesus will make the ultimate "no true Scotsman" argument. Sure, the Church has committed atrocities. Sure, those other christians are bad, and are fundamentalists, and are leading christians away from Christ and His Lovely, Peaceful, Sexy Teachings. And, sure, there's no god, and it's silly to believe in magic and stuff, but that Jesus, He was a revolutionary, and said all this stuff about peace and love and Eating Vegetarian that Nobody Could Have Possibly Thought About Before, so they killed him.

Here's the dope:

First, there was no Christ.
Second, the "teachings" in scripture are crap.
Third, they were taken from other belief systems (and imagination) by people who were probably in their early twenties, and what do they know?

I read an interesting blog today, which listed "Golden Rules" from other belief systems. I noticed that there was one that stood above the rest, coming from a mystical place called "Ancient Egypt."

DT Strian Philosophy Blog
Golden Rules from Many Cultures

10. Do for one who may do for you, that you may cause him thus to do.
Ancient Egyptian, The Tale of the Eloquent Peasant The original dates to 1970 to 1640 BCE and may be the earliest version ever written.
It's important to note here that it is simply not a "version" of the Golden Rule. It is absolutely different, and may very well be diametrically opposed to what many believe to be a teaching of Christ--not being selfish, or using people, or being nice or some such thing. You won't be finding any of that in scripture, of course.

I have a point, believe it or not. That is, that believers and non-believer fans of the character do the very same thing as the sources for the gospels. They attribute ideas to their favorite movie character. Isn't that something Dumbledore would have said? Harry Potter would have done that! That's a Spock line, right?

But the sad, sad truth is, the real lines in the movie aren't that good. The character's main job is to legitimize the Old Boys, not to bring dancing back to Lehi, Utah like Kevin Bacon did in Footloose. Jesus said that heaven and earth would pass before those neat, hippy laws like killing children for lipping off would be abolished. Jesus Loved Children. How revolutionary is it to uphold the culture of slavery and racism? How peaceful is it to come roaring into town with a sword in your mouth, killing creatures that simply don't stand a chance, and knew they didn't from the start? How Great is it to tell people that if they don't follow him, they'll be scorched and eaten from the inside by parasites?

Jesus was an unbelievable ass. So stop having a crush on him. You'd do better by Severus Snape. Did he advocate torture?


breakerslion said...

Jesus, Alleee, why you wanna pick on such a nize guy? ;)

Aaron Kinney said...

But Jesus was so STYLISH in those robes, just like Hitler was stylish in his jackboots!

breakerslion said...

And that Hair! To die for!