Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Sure-Fire Christian Argument: Defeats Atheists Every Time! Whoo Hoo!

Download Audio

Christian Intellectual? Or just poor guy who put his image up on the web?

Hey Christians! Why don't YOU try the argument that can't be beat! It is all-powerful, iron-clad, lead coated so even Superman Atheist can't see through it!

It's called "Move the Goal-Posts!"

As you may not know, Christians, there are about 30,000 sects of Christianity. Well, that's not too bad considering your source material's clarity of language. The good news is you now have Personal Relationship Christianity! If an atheist somehow manages to defeat the doctrines of all 30,000 churches, you can be comforted in the knowledge that with New Personal Relationship Christianity, there are roughly 1,959,594,518 different christian doctrines out there! 2 billion different Jesuses, a few more different Gods! How could an atheist possibly defeat that?

So next time an atheist questions biblical doctrine, just tell 'em "you know nothing about christianity." Hey: neither do you, using that logic, but does the atheist have to know? Hell, no!

Just in case you are interested in odds and such, you'd better stay away from trying to calculate the odds that you've got that one in a couple billion that's on the money. (Or one in 6 billion: after all...) 'Cause it could be that your atheist is gonna be your neighbor in the afterlife.


breakerslion said...

I think the problem here is that SOME Christian types are unable to analyze any problem except through the very fractures of their own irrational world view. This is how the "just happened" argument gets attributed to evolution, for example, when according to their point of view, Jehovamagod had a bright idea in the shower one day and "poof!"

Aaron Kinney said...

Curse you and your goalpost shifting! My well aimed atheistic arguments are all for naught, for whenever I shoot them off, the goal changes locations/sizes.

It seems that I have been defeated. The only option I have left is to convert to generic Christianity and shift around the specifics of my faith whenever I am challenged.

Hellbound Alleee said...

Cheers to Aaron for saying that succinctly!

Jeers to Christians who don't even have enough respect for the doctrines they supposedly follow for their lives.

Chris Ledgerwood said...

OK guys I'm a Christian and I actually understand that the bible is not a perfect document dictated from God own hands, and I have no doubt in my mind that you will be my neighbor in the afterlife. I also understand that science is not my enemy, and I am not afraid of homosexuals either. In fact, they will be my neighbor in heaven as well. So please stop stereotyping all christians as right wing televangelist. Because believe it or not I can actually think and reason for myself outside the four walls of my home church. And if any of those arguments don't sway you then you know nothing about Christianity. Sorry, I couldn't resist. What good is religion if it cannot make the world a more tolerable place to live. It's sad that Christianity, has in many cases, caused nothing but division and anger. I do not believe that is what Jesus taught, and I hope you wont judge the whole faith based on the actions of a few narrow minded individuals.


Francois Tremblay said...

Actually, we base your faith according to what it says. Not according to what other people do. Your faith is horrible and immoral. The fact that it makes people be horrible and immoral is only a consequence of that.

Now, if you don't hate gays and science is not your enemy, then you are probably what I call a "practical atheist"- i.e. you live your life as anyone else would, despite your faith. So I would not count you as a Christian. All I care about is how you act, and in this case I have nothing against you.

Chris Ledgerwood said...

I don't understand the horrible and immoral comment. And yes, people that claim Christianity as their faith have done some pretty stupid things in Gods name. I also agree that we should judge people based on their actions not their faith. I am curious why Christianity is under the spotlight when people of every faith and culture have done and said stupid things. Also, I don't consider myself a practical atheist. I would, however, consider myself a practical Christian. I think the problem, in my point of view, is that the religous right wing has set itself up to be the spokeman for all of Christianity, and unfortunately that is how the faith is portrayed to the world. That sickens me too, and I am tired of the elitist attitude coming spewing their mouths. As far as the issue of evolution is concerned what is the big deal! It seems obvious that at least some form of evolution is at work in our world. Does that mean there is no God? Does that threaten my belief in a higher intellegence? My personal answer is no! Thanks for allowing me to post a comment.


Hellbound Alleee said...

look, Chris, you clearly don't understand what this blog post is all about. You happen to be committing the same fallacy as I'm illustrating. The fact is, every time I criticize a doctrine from the bible or a sacrament of one particular faith, you guys swoop in and point out that your particular faith, one of the 30,000 Christian sects out there, is not the same as what I am criticizing.

I know. It's really handy, though Chris. If I criticize somethimg from the bible, you can plead ignorance, say "that's not what I was taught, that's not what I believe." I don't give a shit. I will continue to criticize the horrible and immoral things, as Francois said, in your scripture, and it's your cross to bear that you disagree with what Jesus says, or what it says in the bible.

Look, if you're a Christian, you worship this guy who said a lot of horrible and immoral things, whether you agree with him or not. So you're going to have to take a little responsibility, Chris, and stop making excuses.

It must be hard to try and distance yourself from "those bad Christians," who do all the bad things that poor little you is innocent of. Maybe Chris, just maybe you're the Only True Christian in Existence. And for some inexplicable reason, that "makes you moral." But that doesn't let your deity off the hook. It's like hating anti-semitism yet worshipping Hitler, Chris.

I think your Deity is worse than Hitler. Hey, it's nothing against you. You probably are a much better person than this character you worship. Can you deal with that?

ryan e said...

"It's like hating anti-semitism yet worshipping Hitler, Chris."

hahahaha, oh I love analogies

Chris Ledgerwood said...

Yes, I can deal with the fact that you view me and anyone that claims Christianity that way. Very strange to me since you seem to be an extremely intellegent person that you are so willing to sterotype. You call yourself an athiest, but you seem to spend an extreme amount of time trying to disprove something you don't believe to be real. I don't believe in Santa, but I don't go around attacking the little children that do!! But, I do appreciate you allowing me to post, and your willingness to discuss our differences. I will leave you alone and stop posting comments.

Thanks for your time

Hellbound Alleee said...

OK, Chris, but you still refuse to understand something. I made it so clear a 4 year-old should be able to understand it, but perhaps your religious beliefs beat it out of you:

I am not attacking you, or little children who believe in Santa Claus, Chris.

It always goes the same way:

Alleee: attack religion
Christian: "You're attacking me!" Attack Alleee
Alleee: attack religion
Christian: feign injury: attack Alleee
Alleee: Headdesk

Chris--it's the religion that attacks you, and attacks children. You are willingly opening yourself up to slavery, I get it, but it's fucking sad. Don't you remember how they used christianity to extort good behavior out of you? Don't you see the parents at the lap of Santa, slapping their kids for crying in their precious Christmas postcard? "Don't you cry, or I'll give you something to cry about, Dakita."

That's what I am attacking, Chris, and that's why I am attacking. Your religion has harmed you, and I want to help people who are being harmed. I am being harmed by these beliefs, like your belief that your belief is the essence of you. It's not, Chris. You are not owned by your beliefs, and it's sad that you think you are. It's sad that you have given up your morality to a system. Get out, Chris. Be Chris! You're probably a great guy. So BE ONE! Get the fuck out of that system, Chris. Be Chris. DOn't be Christianity.

And don't fucking tell me I attack children again, you sanctimonious prick.