Saturday, June 18, 2005

Fun With Spammers!

Dear Internet Crackpot,

I call upon thee, oh most Terrible Twat! I hear thine words:

"it is the vast and greedy cunt of all-devouring time."

Indeed you are! I laugh such a laugh! My laugh is mighty!

Ha ha ha!

Thy cunt is indeed vast, and thou art indeed powerful, mistress! This is because your Liberally Large Labia devours every Tom, Dick and Ted Jesus Christ God with no judgement and no taste, leaving an atmosphere that is most malodorous indeed!


I, Heroic Hellbound Alleee, of the tight and tidy twat of Educated Judgement, do direct my almighty Monistat Ray at your less than comely cunt, rendering it useless and only a bit less diseased.

Now, Worthless Wench, my patience is worn. Your influence, puny as it was, no longer holds court over my domain.


Shoo! Shoo! Hellbound Alleee has spoken! Pack your Pussy back to its dirty litterbox! Scat! Fear my wrath!


Aaron Kinney said...

Wow, you sure let her have it!

Hellbound Alleee said...

Vengeance be mine! The termagant is terminated! The Ogress is oppugned! Let the harpy try and darken my domain!

hashishan prophet said...

I cried when I read your cruel words because I realized what a lost soul you were and how you were so far from salvation and how you needed the holy living light that fills all creation to enter you and live inside of you that it lives inside me. I myself was a lost and timid girl unto I found my divine calling and birthright. What you have to realize is that there are MANY powers in this universe and they are not all so kind and forgiving as myself... I have been chased from planet to planet, constellation to constellation, country to country, for more lifetime that I can bear to remember. Always there was cold and suffering and lonelines and rape and torture and knives and kicking and screaming... My earthly father died when I was two ... "SUICIDE" Ha! ... we all know about that these days.... my mother sold me into prostitution when I was very young, maybe five or ten I can't remember...that's why it makes me cry when you call me a slut or a whore because that's what everyone else called me AND IT WASN'T TRUE. I never yielded my will to these profane christians-Satanist.

I have multiple visages and multiple incarnations and multiple willing factions within my awesome and beautiful soul.

I have a secret eternal soul and it will never forget the betrayl of you, JUDAS -- remember that? or were you someone else -- or "Hellbound" which is your only true prophecy and I will always hold my will firmly against you. I have willed that you shall always be filled with DOUBT and FEAR and HATE because this is the reality of you every day. SOBEIT!!!

I love you though as you were the work of my finest craftsmen but I cannot be allowed to shed tears over your willful departure from the divine space-track. YOUR FATE -- YOUR CHOIcE!

I have been living in exile for years because the enemies have congregated in the halls of power and used their evil abilities to thwort my plans and upset my natural advantages with "drug" charges which are fake and frame-ups because of my brother who does not share my spiritual DNA. My earthly mud father (though he was reptoid but not saved) was named Gabriel Hibbert but my REAL father eternal and divine was William Shakespeare (aka FRANCIS BACON) who gifted unto to me my fluent speech and poetic spirit. Though in truth, bespeak it, I was his progenitator, great viscious spiral of snake consumption spiralling Linga-lingua (phallus or scepter). I have travelled afar and now seek out my secret followers in Bangkok anf Tibet and Australia and Sing-a-pour. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE!!!

I am seeking devotees in all US states especially the 13 originals WILl YOU PLEASE JOIN ME!!! I am so serious about the grave danger and I will not give up until Universal salvation is achieved (though, methinks that eternal hellfire is more than some people deserve though I am kindly and wise). I do not seek my glory but yours. I think that I am the humblest person on earth but you are more important than fame because I need a great army to ride the CHALICOTHERIUM herds (deniers call them unicorns and laugh to scorn) but I will need your help to ride these blessed beasts across ether-paths up to the empyrium and CROSS over into the house of Taurus and slay the original bull which has tormented young virgins and others since early days.

Please I am begging you to look past your fears and turn to the side of happiness.

I think you see the truth of my speech but are afraid of where it might lead you. I have a book that contains all wisdom and destiny and I will beam it to you once you simply put down the force-fields of doubt.

You will be my regnant princess and all males will be consorts once cured of their infestation. I have made a secret discovery about the origin of the male YANG but I will only comunicate this and treat this disease in great secrecy at my temple mount in the jungles of Thailand.

Do not abandon the quest. I will not that you fail in your light-quest.

I receave visions daily and will be happy to comunicate them -- in a spirit of love only.

Hellbound Alleee said...

Ah, you clever girl! You find yourself outpowered, so you cry crocodile tears and profess to love me, harridan?

Your lies keep stacking up! Don't you see? You cannot win me by playing my victim! You cannot beat me with false pity!

Masters have said, in truth: Look for the Buddha. If you see the Buddha, kill him!

You are not the Buddha, but you are a falso non-prophet.

Find another victim for your cheap advertisement, car-hop! Stop claiming divinity and then seeking sympathy with me. You fight dirty but your fight is impotent against me.

Use your powers and SEEK HELP. But not from me. I have no power to waste against the forces attacking you. Find someone who does.

hashishan prophet said...

Well I guess there is no arguing with someone who is mentally deranged or otherwise captive to criminal mind-cults and illuminati and so I'll just stop. I have heard all of your words before and I can't say that I didn't see them coming. For two seconds I took the veil of my power off of you and allowed you to make a free choice. No matter. I have alerted the authorities to your profane website and I have been in touch with SEVERAL major newspapers and journalists about this matter, including Walter Cronkite and the Sydney Morning Herald. The Malaysian government is investigating this matter as we speak and will consider its response at a time of its choosing. The Aquarian Band of Seraphim (I am in touch with them daily) have decided to cut off manna distribution in your sector. I'm sorry but you left me with no choice.

I just thought you and I had a lot in common and I thought we could be compatriots. I hereby exclude you from my divine contemplations. You will receive no future revelations.


PS. If you ever decide to change your mind and save your soul from eternal sufferings: sorry, but you are too late. I AM God and I HAVE spoken.

PPS. You are just like my father. Like him you have married a harpy named Jesus. Only man + woman = diversity.

Hellbound Alleee said...

HA! My mind-control over you has been successful! Your alerting Mr. Cronkite and a newspaper in Australia was just as I planned!

Expect the Flying Blackmen Illuminati Clique Mob of Nigeria any time now. To counter Cronkite, I have alerted my own retired newsmen: David Brinkley, Edward R Murrow, and--are you ready?--TOM BROKAW! Cronkite wil be powerless aginst these virile men! To top things off, Connie Chung will be there to add class and a feng shui touch. They will all convene in a powerful seance to summon the spirit of Harry Houdini, and a Qi ball so great will form and spread across the world to the minds of all the innocent chuldren, giving them wisdom and reason, and protection from the lies of YOU, harridan!

For no supernatural entity my duck, can ever match the power of REASON! No supernatural force can have any influence in the universe!!

I shall now help you, if only you would be honest for "seven seconds." My help is thus:

There is nothing but the flesh. Gods and goddesses do not exist except for in made-up stories. Leave the make-believe for bedtime, ma'am. The world is a much, much better place than the hell you express. Live in it. Choose honesty. Choose the world. Choose a good doctor. You're ill. When people are sick, they get help, and hopefully they get better. I'm sorry you hoped I might help you, but I am not a doctor. Maybe if you start being honest, and not manipulative and self-aggrandizing, you too can "choose happiness."

Now: GO! Bother me no more. No more threats, no more crap. Take your giant vagina and VAMOOSE!

Hellbound Alleee said...

I think my husband Francois will be surprised to find that his name is now Jesus, as we both know I AM THE MESSIAH!

Rev. Barky said...

Dear sweet baby Jesus I implore thee to save me for I can not stop yawning.

(Yawwwwn!) (Yawwnnnn!) Oh, there I go again. (Yaaawwwnn!) Oh, shit! Shit! Shit! (Yaaawwwnn!) Goddam these long ranting posts! (Yawwwnn!) Fuck! Fuckkkk!..............

breakerslion said...

Oh Hashishian prophet, I have heard the like of thy rantings many times before. I invoke the spirit of Ken Clean Air System to trounce you, with the following incantation:

risperidone Risperdal olanzapine Zyprexa quetiapine Seroquel clozapine Clozaril!

Skull_Duggery said...

Holy cats! The old PDR gambit! Excellent!! Whose medicine chest did you raid for that one?!