Monday, October 30, 2006

10 Tips For Raising a Darling HEATHEN Child, (and 10 suggestions for being honest with your kid)

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

"Joyful Heart" (read, gleefully mean, and I can get behind that) Ministries gives us 10 OH-so honest "tips" for sending your child to hell. Actually it's 10 insults against non christian parents. I think that's the author's way of showing what a good Christian he is.

1. Remove prayer from your home. The schools have taken the lead here, so your kids won't expect prayer at meals or at times of family crisis. Just make sure that you never pray in front of your children. If they see you bowing to a higher power it might make them feel somehow weak, inferior--as if they did not control their own destinies.

Ok so far. Apparently there are no atheists in foxholes. What an ass.

But take the "higher power" thing and shove it. Electricity, in a high enough voltage, is a higher power. Other people can be stronger than you. "Higher " is not an atheist phrase, dingbats. It's for non-denominationals.

As for family crises, I agree that falling to one's knees and appealing to Zarquon the Space God is probably not the best parenting move. How about staying calm, putting it into perspective and thinking it through? That would be a tad better role-modeling to your youngun, than being a drooling idiot reaching into your checkbook for a love-offering to Benny Hinn.

2. Keep a Bible around. Now this may surprise you. While you must ban prayer, don't ban the Bible. Keep a copy on the shelf--a high shelf. This is how you can appear open-minded while preserving the Bible as a closed book. To keep your kids heathen, however, you must never read to them from the Bible. "Seen not heard," is the safest rule. Bible story books--especially ones with attractive pictures--are dangerous, too. There's a chance your child might pick one up by accident and ask you to read stories out of it. Don't allow one in the house.

Gee, whiz, why wouldn't I want my kid to read stories about mayhem, murder, rape, incest and terrorism?

Thing is, I wouldn't tell them the stories, especially the ones with demons and exocisms, were true and righteous. That's why the Christian, yet again, has got it all backwards. Christians want to make sure the kids don't read the bible, because it most likely contradicts the secular values they may be trying to teach. But Christian homes can be pretty screwed up and bizarre, so what are you gonna do?

Anyway, sure, I'd let them read the bible, because by the time they have the intelligence and stamina to read the awful thing, they'd have the moral compass to intelligently judge it.

3. Plan family events for Sunday mornings. This way your children won't have any excuse for going to church with their friends. Don't let your children hear the phrase "The Lord's Day." Instead, say something like, "Sunday is my only day off," or "Sunday is the only day I get to sleep in," or "Sunday is the only day our family can do things together." Before you know it, your child will be permanently trained to think selfishly about Sunday mornings, and will be very unlikely to be found in church.

Oh, the horror of the secular family. Brainwashing their kids to be different from the other kids. What do you suppose they'd think about going to Temple with their friends, or doing Sabbath properly?

Note how clumsily the author tries to evoke guilt with the use of the word "selfishly." That could backfire. Yes, Sunday is a day of hardship, by default, apparently--even though the "7th Day" depends on your sect's opinion and not on anything you could possibly get out of scripture. To utilize your day off for the benefit of your family and your health is bad, bad, naughty.

Does anyone besides Orthodox Jews and Amish really believe this? People like to write about it a lot, but crazy parents who believe in it belong on Lifetime Television movies.

4. Try to have your child attend a wedding held in a church. That way your child can never say, "I never went to church when I was a child," like so many children say these days. But be careful. There's a chance he might hear prayers and become confused. It might be better to arrange for him to come to the reception only.

This one's for Christians to feel guilty about. I see now. He's talking to Christians, hoping to raise fear and guilt.

5. Spice up your family vocabulary with occasional references to God damning someone. That'll help the children think God is angry at people and only wants to condemn them. Some families have found it helpful to say "hell" when they're angry so the child will associate it with swearing instead of a real place. Using "Jesus!" and "Christ!" and "God!" as expletives is also quite effective in inoculating your child against the Christian faith.

That might be a good idea. I don't know how a kid is supposed to innately know what "damn" means. If all this nonsense is in everyone's head, why Sunday School? But if my kid wants to learn about the jealous nature of God, she'll figure it out. I sure as Hell (haw haw) don't want my kid to go through the terrorI did, thinking that Hell was real. What an awful, irresponsible, lazy thing to teach children.

6. Block Christian broadcasting from your television by reprogramming your VCR's scanning menu or insisting that the cable company doesn't transmit those kinds of stations to your home. Be extra careful, though, to monitor your child's viewing so she doesn't accidentally watch a Billy Graham Crusade or something equally dangerous. A good substitute might be "The Simpsons," or some other character-building cartoons.

Well, if I believed in censorship like these guys do, I'd agree. But frankly, if there was a way to opt out of these disgusting and immoral stations, I would. They are funny like Ed Wood, but a young child is not ready for that kind of sarcasm. I can see, however, that watching these stations might be a good way of introducing that kind of humor to a 12-14 year-old. Perhaps it too could be used to help a kid develop a good skeptical sense, to develop intellectual armour against such salesmen. And yes, "The Simpsons" is a really moral show.

But a VCR? Come on.
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

7. Don't invite grandparents or other relatives to your home without first making sure they won't talk about Jesus or God. Tell them that all families have rules, and your home is designed to be "religious values neutral." It would also be a big mistake to let your children stay with their grandparents if they are known to engage in any of the above taboo activities. Perhaps the children could meet with Christian grandparents for a supervised visit in a park. But letting your children visit for a day or more is just too risky.

I'm sure they would welcome Uncle Akbar or the Mormon inlaws with open arms, and encourage them to take the children into their bedrooms to give them the good news. Because, after all, I certainly was welcome to say anything I wanted to my fundamentalist relatives' children about religion--not.

But if I have some obligation to invite the crazies, I'm sure my kids, depending on their age, already know about how some people have invisible friends. But no one would be allowed to terrorize my kids with demons, monsters, and hell, that's for damned sure.

8. Separate moral instruction from religion. It's all right to tell your children the difference between right and wrong, just so long as you don't tell them that God is against stealing or killing or lying. That way it will be easier for them to adopt an "everything is relative" belief system which won't inhibit their lifestyle as teenagers and adults.

What the fuck does religion have to do with morality? And why would I shove the religious notion of moral relativism down my kids' throats? After all, Christianity is The religion of moral relativism.

9. If your child asks to attend church, tell her proudly that when she is eighteen she can make her own decisions, but while she is in her impressionable years you don't want to expose her to any pressure for or against God. Tell her that you are a politically correct parent. That you believe in separation of church and state, and that you only want what's best for her.

Why wouldn't I want my kid to attend a Kickapoo Snakeoil Medicine Show? Go! Here's some money! And if their children want to go to a Coven on Samhain, I'm sure they won't be beaten/exorcised.

10. Train your child to say "Protestant" when asked his religion. Don't bother to explain it. "Agnostic" or "atheist" or "heathen" might be more accurate, but people could consider you a bad parent. And it's best to avoid using the term "Christian" because it includes the name of Christ in a non-swearing context, which might raise questions in your child's mind.

Because all atheists are cowards! Jesus Christ. I don't know if any of you do this; I tend to doubt it. I mean, there's never been a Christian child ever in history to commit any act of violence against a "heathen" *cough*Inquisition*cough*witch burning*cough*the 1950's. But the real burning, shining dumb in the above paragraph is not the insult--I can take it, you might be able to--it's the first sentence. They think their children have a religion. Pretty stupid. What moron asks a young child his religion?

Yes, I know. There are many, many morons out in the world. And if you have children, I wish you all the luck in the world braving them. Do your best. (Just don't do the "moral relativism" thing. That doesn't make any sense.)

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Prog/Flamenco/Glam/70's Band?

Hellbound Alleee Show 128: Atheism: What's The Point?

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Francois and I did a skypecast from the deck, along with hundreds of birds, to ask the question, "what's the point of being an atheist?" Many guests answer, or try to answer, the question, and more.

Download Now
For more download options, visit the Hellbound Alleee archives.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Hellbound Alleee Show 127: The Religion of Equality

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

This week. Andrew Greve joins us to discuss the fallacies of Egalitarianism, the relation between egalitarianism and democracy, elitism and populism.


For more download options, visit the Hellbound Alleee archives.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Show 126: Jehovah's Witlesses Part 2

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

This week, David Pearson concludes his talk about the history and practices of Jehovah's Witnesses, including the "blood issues," holidays, and more.

Download Now
For more download options, visit Hellbound Alleee's Archives.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Hellbound Alleee Show Coming Soon

So sorry about the delay, folks, but I have to buy a fan for the laptop, which was not meant for the high-temperature work that is producing the HA show. Who knew. It'll come--it was recorded, so it exists: Jehovah's Witlesses Part 2.


Saturday, October 07, 2006

I've Been Meme-Tagged!

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Beep-Beep it's me asks: What are 5 things feminism has done for you?

Well, "feminism," per se, hasn't done anything for me directly, because it's not...

Let me explain.

I have been blessed by some amazing women, who have hands and voices and brains, unlike a concept. And well, I suppose I have, too, blessed myself, because I learned, over my young adulthood, how to shake off the imaginary shackles of what I thought I was "supposed to be." And maybe that's because of the feminism meme.

So here are my 5 things.

My amazing marriage.

I waited until I wasn't still really stupid (I was 37!) about false concepts like "wife" or "husband," or "family."

My sexual "career."

I have been able to experience many sides of a sexual life, placing myself in roles rather than being placed, and I am now able to appreciate the ups and downs, and disappointments, as a part of an interesting life. Can't wait to see what's next.

Adventures in Revolution, Grrrl-Style Now!

I was a part of it, indirectly, back in the 90's. I was there, with all the women who started the Riot Grrrl Movement, watching and sometimes contributing. I helped inspire at least one woman who was considered the "mother of 3rd-wave feminism." We had a whole, intimate sisterhood thing going, and she continues to inspire me to this day. I got to sing with a band, tell people I met this and that rock and roll icon, and generally feel proud of my associations of those exciting days.

The Adventures of Big Girl!

A comfortable relationship with my body, and, coincidentally, with delicious, delicious food follows a few years of pre-internet fanzine days when I published a semi-popular fanzine that killed any remaining timidness and anonymity that allowed me to find some public honesty. I think I still have some copies around here someplace.

The Courage to Deconstruct

"Deconstruct" was a favorite word of both my feminst icon friend and my infamous husband, and, I've found, one of the most important things I ever did to start becoming real. Feminism was just as much a start as was objectivism, skepticism, atheism, and any other "ism" for me. None of those alone will remove the final layer of false constructed beliefs that prevent a person from living in reality, but they certainly helped.

Hellbound Alleee Show 125: Christians are Funny

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

This week, I show that Christians really are funny!

Download in 96
For more downloading options, visit the Hellbound Alleee archive page

Friday, October 06, 2006

Satan's Puppet

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

"You Need Mercy" gives me great advice in a recent comment:

Are you satan's puppet? If so pray to God. He will always take you in and heal you.

The end is coming. Pray now

Christians: the only true Satanists, and the only real satan worshippers.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Hellbound Alleee Show 124: Christian Doublethink

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Aaron Kinney joins us for a discussion about the hypocrisy of belief and action in the Christian worldview. Francois speaks about how Alcoholics Anonymous fits into the category of cult; a caller says hello.


For more download options, see the Hellbound Alleee archives.